Knowing someone who is in an abusive household or relationship can be a difficult situation to navigate. Those close to survivors may not have ill intentions, but can oftentimes get lost in the high emotions surrounding that dynamic. This can cause a survivor's suppport network to pass judgement and be more harmful than helpful. So, how can you be a better ally to survivors?
The first thing you can always give is your emotional support.
Emotional support is one of the first things you can give. It's always important to remember that a survivor is wading through an extremely traumatic and controlling dynamic.
Providing a healthy dynamic for them based in true loving values may help survivors be more aware of the toxic relationship behaviors that drive domestic violence. So, although it is simple, it is still so powerful to just be a good friend!
Another way to emotionally supportive is to provide yourself as a shoulder to cry on but not speak ill of the abusiver. You want to create a judgement free environment for them to be able to speak freely. Being sure not to be critical of whatever choice they make--to get help or not--is essential.
Survivors aren't yours to save. At the end of the day, they are autonomous in their own choices. And oftentimes, when a survivor decides to get help, that self-proclaimed autonomy is the driving force behind it. You cannot force someone to get help if they are not ready.
What if the survivor is ready to reach out and get help?
Once a survivor is ready to get help, it becomes a whole different set of challenges for the survivor. So, how can you better help them navigate this?
The key to this is remembering the closeness of the abusive partner to the survivor. This is requiring the survivor to have to be extremely discrete about their seeking out help. A friend of a survivor can help lessen the chamces of being caught seeking out resources with some aid.
A big subpoint in this is technology safety. We all have a trackable search history, and survivors oftentimes lose full control of their devices like phones, computers, tablets, etc. Some may even have additional secretdevices from the abusive partner (a part of the reason why the National Amber Alert Test posed such a risk).
Some resource websites have tech safety features like warnings and quick exit links. However, not all have this. As well as Google search history still reveals itself. So how can you help survivors avoid this risk?
Helping do research and aid the survivor to find a support network greatly takes away risk of being found out. Additionally, sending them in the direction of hotlines may help (especially if you offer your device to call). Hotlines often have lists of partners or resources that may take you longer to find online. They can help navigate the survivor on where to go for what support.
Overall, there is a way to help survivors through whatever they may be going through.
Support isn't limited to these points, but these are a few of the key aspects to survivor support. The additional sought-out information in this blog was found on the National Domestic Violence Hotline website in their "Ways to Support" page. If you're wanting to expand your knowledge on the topic, feel free to click the hyperlink and see their full list of ways to support.
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